I'm Not Fine

The snowflake that causes the avalanche

“How are you?” they ask.
I’m drowning. I’m breaking and I don’t know how to put myself back together. I’m tried all the time. I’m sad for no reason. I’m losing to myself. I’m not fine.
“I’m good, and yourself?” I reply.

In today’s culture How are you? has become a greeting instead of a question of concern. A question once taken seriously is now exchanged freely with hello. We’ve been raised to ask how are you? in a way that loses all its meaning. We’ve been conditioned to say I’m fine as a response in a way that has helped lay groundwork for a mental health pandemic.

It only takes one snowflake to start an avalanche and it only takes two words to wreck our mental health: I’m fine.

We are currently teaching our toddler what her emotions mean and how to process them. When she is throwing a fit, having a breakdown, or unable to process something we simply ask, “What are you feeling?” And she tells us, the best she can, so we can talk through how to feel that emotion without throwing ourselves on the floor or melting down.

What if we started asking each other that question?
What if we seriously meant when we asked, “How are you?” instead of asking in greeting?
What if we asked, “What are you feeling?” and were truly ready for the response?
What if we felt like we could talk about our feelings?
What if we felt like we could unload our burden?
What if we didn’t answer robotically with “I’m fine”?

What if things were different?

We are in a mental health pandemic and part of that was brought on by those two words: I’m fine. Brought on by locking in our emotions. By faking our smile. By returning the greeting. By feeling like we couldn’t say the truth.
I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. Repeated over and over until the truth was buried. I’m not fine.

Two words, laid down on our soul like snowflakes that built up over time until one day an avalanche occurred…and the force of it nearly took us out.

What if things were different? How different would your life look if people checked in on you, truly checked in one you? How different would you feel if you could be honest about your emotions and receive validation, support, and encouragement? How different could the world be if started saying hello in greeting and how are you doing? in honest inquiry?

Let’s raise the next generation to be different, to have a voice to say I’m not fine.

Let’s continue the conversation:

1. Check in on your friends today. Ask them how they are doing and encourage an honest answer.

2. Do you see the effects of this in your own life?

3. How has the words ‘I’m fine’ shown up in your life / your mental health?

Want to read more Little Bits of Everything?

• A poem on The Edge of the Word and being in the darkness together

• A letter on grief, time, loss and Ten Years

• A note on The Magic of Motherhood

• A favorite on Normalizing Traveling without Kids

• The most honest Start Here I can give you

• A popular short story about choosing a Second Mold for our lives